It’s a truth schools often overlook. We invest heavily in programs for students—new curricula, social-emotional frameworks, and behavior interventions—yet the adults implementing them are usually stretched to the breaking point. The result? Initiatives stall, morale dips, and the intended impact on students falls short of expectations.
We’ve all heard the oxygen mask analogy: put your own mask on first before helping others. And while that rings true, the challenge is far deeper than catching your breath in the moment. Adult wellbeing is not just helpful—it is foundational. Trying to implement SEL for students without first tending to adult SEL is like building a house on a cracked foundation. The walls may stand for a while, but eventually the structure will crumble.
Here are three reasons why adult survival—through wellness, balance, and emotional capacity—must come before student thriving.
1. Adults Set the Emotional Tone
Every school has an emotional climate, and it begins with the adults. Students don’t just learn from what is said; they absorb what is modeled. A calm teacher helps cultivate a calm classroom. A stressed principal creates ripple effects of tension throughout the building.
Research confirms this. A Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence study found that teacher stress is “contagious,” shaping student stress, classroom behavior, and even academic performance. When adults are depleted, students feel it. When adults are grounded and resilient, students feel that too.
This is why, before students can thrive, adults must survive. The emotional state of educators isn’t separate from instruction—it is instruction. Adults aren’t just delivering the curriculum; they are the curriculum.
2. Ignoring Adult Wellness Dooms SEL to Feel Like “One More Thing”
Schools that skip the adult piece often find SEL efforts fizzle out. Why? Because staff who are overwhelmed view student SEL as another burden rather than a source of support.
When adult wellness is overlooked, SEL becomes a checklist rather than a way of being. Teachers might deliver a lesson on self-regulation while feeling anything but regulated themselves. Students notice the disconnect. Leaders may preach resilience without practicing it. The result is cynicism, fatigue, and stalled culture change.
But when adult SEL comes first, the shift is different. Educators see SEL not as an add-on, but as the very thing that sustains them. Instead of draining energy, it fuels it. In this way, adult SEL isn’t just about survival—it’s about creating the conditions for authentic, sustainable growth.
3. Adult Wellness Shapes Systemic Change
Perhaps the most important reason of all: adult SEL changes systems, not just people.
Schools are complex organizations. Policy, practice, and culture are all shaped by the adults at the helm—principals, teachers, counselors, superintendents. If those adults are stressed, reactive, or burnt out, decisions tend to be short-sighted and survival-driven. However, when adults operate from a place of balance, clarity, and calm, their leadership fosters stability throughout the entire system.
The Aspen Institute’s “A Nation at Hope” report highlights that adult capacity is non-negotiable for lasting change. Similarly, CASEL identifies adult SEL as a cornerstone of successful, schoolwide implementation. Without adults thriving, systemic SEL cannot take root.
This is the cracked foundation problem. You can introduce the best student SEL curriculum, but if the adults responsible for shaping the culture are running on empty, nothing will hold. Adult SEL is not a side project—it is the foundation upon which school transformation is built.
The Deeper Truth
Before students can thrive, adults must survive. It’s more than an oxygen mask in the moment—it’s about repairing the very foundation schools are built on.
When adults are supported, schools are steadier. When adults are resilient, classrooms tend to be calmer. When adults are thriving, students finally have the conditions they need to grow.
Adult SEL is not selfish. It is strategic. It is systemic. And it is the only way to create schools where both educators and students can truly flourish.
Because at the end of the day, the truth is inescapable: before students can thrive, adults must survive.
More Resources
Want to dive deeper into this work? Check out my book, Unlocking SEL: The 5 Keys to Transform Schools Through Social Emotional Learning, a HOW-TO WITH HUMANITY book on Implementing Social-Emotional Learning (SEL).
Want to connect more with other educators navigating social-emotional learning in their schools?
Join the Unlocking SEL Facebook Group.
Interested in exploring more about Social-Emotional Learning?
- 13 Social-Emotional Learning Books for Children
- SEL Starts with Us: How Principals Can Leverage Adult SEL to Transform Schools from the Inside Out
- Adult SEL: Winter Wellness for Educators
- Starting Strong: Three Strategies to Unlock SEL at the Start of the Year
- Restorative Practices DO Include Accountability Measures
- Peter O'Meter: An Interactive Augmented Reality SEL Children's Book
- Monsters Have Manners
**This site contains affiliate links to products. We may receive a commission for purchases made through these links. Our blog is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission.